Have you ever had to take it back? I am talking about you life. I seem to lose myself quit often because I feel like I go through this about once every couple years. I am really tired of it too. I think I am going to take back my life and make this time a lasting one. That is my hopes anyways. I don’t think that I have ever really stated that part. When you say it out loud, doesn’t that mean it kind of as to happen?
I like to run – nothing far. I did a half marathon and that is probably about the farthest I really want to go. No real marathon runner in my blood – just the sort of long runs – okay, it is still a really long ways. I am not interested in really doing it every month either – maybe twice a year. Sounds good, right? I think so. Anyways, I started on the running topic to tell you that I have not really been running. Not because I don’t want to. Because I really just don’t know how to fit everything in anymore. I mean – how do you?
I used to be able to do it all. I would get up early, clean, cook, get kids ready, myself, work, and so many more things. How did I get so bad at doing it all? I mean it is a struggle to get out of bed. That can be attributed to the severe lack of vitamin D. Then it seems like I am less productive anymore. I don’t get anything but myself ready and kids and out the door. I used to be so accomplished by 5 am. Why does this bug me so much?
It bugs me because I like feeling accomplished. That is the main reason I work. I like to get things done and do them well. I guess with a job you get that satisfaction of a happy customer. A completed project. At home I don’t really get that from anyone, but I feel proud. I want that feeling again. My problem is that There is another addition to the family. There is going to be one less major player in the family in a month or so. Somehow I have to figure out how to keep my sanity in it all. I need to run again. That is where this comes full circle. My story wasn’t completely rambles. Only slightly.
I also have not had the fire to go to church anymore. I am not really sure why either. It isn’t because I have fallen from the Lord. It seems like I just don’t have that fire for my church anymore. I don’t like going to the main service, only the Sunday School. I love that. I just feel like I need more and am missing it. On base there are programs, but they are during the day. I need something at night, or at least with childcare. I would love it to be close to home too. I thought about finding something on base – but I am not sure that I want that. I do want to go outside of base and meet new people, but I just am not sure where I want to be. I may try one of the start up churches around here. There is on that meets at the movie theater right outside of the gate. I might just do that this weekend too. I need to do something.
Tonight I took my oldest on a mini date to Target where we got Starbucks (she got a hot chocolate), shared a scone, got her a new necklace and notebook. It was fun walking around with her just looking for nothing really. I really need to make one-on-one time a priority like I think I said last night or the night before. Repeating myself – I am getting old, give me a break.
I am going to brainstorm some things and see what I can cut out, and what I can keep to take my life back. I know I can probably get rid of some things, and that will help with my sanity. I also would like to clear out some of the physical clutter to help clear my mental clutter. I think they go hand-in-hand without realizing it. Major cleaning. I hate cleaning, but know it will be better in the long run. Maybe a garage sale so it is quick – or maybe just a garbage bag and a trip tot he goodwill to make sure it really gets gone instead of hanging around waiting for a sale. Maybe I will see what sells in a day and take the rest away after. Who knows – I just know I need to do it.
What do you need to do to take back your life?